"Despite every advancement, language remains the defining nexus of our humanity; it is where our knowledge and hope lie. It is the precondition of human tenderness, mightier than the sword but also infinitely more subtle and ultimately more urgent. Remember that writing things down makes them real; that it is nearly impossible to hate anyone whose story you know; and, most of all, that even in our post-postmodern era, writing has a moral purpose. With twenty-six shapes arranged in varying patterns, we can tell every story known to mankind, and make up all the new ones—indeed, we can do so in most of the world’s known tongues. If you can give language to experiences previously starved for it, you can make the world a better place."
— Andrew Solomon
My published books include ...
Are you unhappy in your relationship? Do you and your partner constantly fight? Has the person who's supposed to be your source of comfort, support, and joy become someone you both love and despise? What you're going through is well beyond the normal relationship challenges most people experience, because you're stuck in a dysfunctional relationship. You may also feel you're the only one this is happening to, that everyone else fares better with their partners, that there's something wrong with you, and worst of all that you deserve to be treated badly—because your partner has convinced, cajoled, bullied, and sometimes battered you into believing you're the cause.
Fortunately, you're not alone, and help is here from someone who has lived what you're living. Thomas G. Fiffer, former Executive Editor for The Good Men Project whose articles have over 10 million page views, has written extensively about dysfunctional relationships and gathered his wisdom in Why It Can't Work: Detaching From Dysfunctional Relationships to Make Room for True Love. The author survived two marriages defined—and ultimately destroyed—by dysfunctional dynamics and has learned how to break the patterns that prevented him from being happy and forming healthy emotional and romantic attachments. Why It Can't Work shows you how to recognize the problem, identify the source, and take decisive action—either to right your relationship or abandon it. Through an ordered sequence of enlightening articles collectively shared over 300,000 times on Facebook, the author gently but assertively reveals the painful truths about dysfunctional relationships, reminding us that romantic partnerships are supposed to be a healthy source of love and support, and letting us know it's OK to walk away when they aren't.
If you or someone you know is involved in a dysfunctional relationship, reading Why It Can't Work will light the way back to happiness and peace.
If you'd like to purchase Why It Can't Work or enjoy an instant preview, click on the links below.
Does love really need a definition? The idea of love is innately familiar and intimately understood by everyone. But the practice of love, the act of loving, and the art of creating a loving relationship—these are things people need help with, and that’s why everyone needs What Is Love: A Guide for the Perplexed to Matters of the Heart.
Thomas G. Fiffer has experienced love and heartbreak. The chapters here, drawn from material he's published on The Good Men Project, will help readers understand when they’re experiencing love and when they're involved in other, love-imitating dynamics such as attachment, need, and codependence. The book serves as a trusted guide through our inevitable journeys in and out of romantic relationships—whether you’re looking for love, needing to know if you’re in love or in lust, wanting to keep your relationship thriving, or wondering if it’s time to leave.
Life is fuller if you keep your heart open along the way. This book is both eye and heart-opening, and it also stops you from giving the keys to your heart to anyone who doesn’t deserve them.
You will come away from reading What Is Love prepared to experience all the joys that love has to offer.
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Love is both ever-present and elusive, an invisible yet palpable presence, inhabiting a mystical place beyond definition, and unquestionably the most powerful force in our lives.
The Alphabet of Love takes readers on a poetic, lexical tour of the many ways love manifests itself by exploring the language associated with love. Each entry offers a new version and vision of love to help form a more complete picture. Part practical guide, part source of inspiration, this book brings the magic of love into our minds and hearts and reminds us that love is, indeed, a many-splendored thing.
A REVIEW OF WHY IT CAN'T WORK
"When I first picked up this ebook, I thought this compilation of articles would be a quick, easy read. I soon realized that it was much more than that as I kept stopping to take stock of myself and contemplate deeply new directions for my life. Just a few sentences or a turn of phrase would ring through me and make me think “That is so true, but I never looked at it that way.” Tom Fiffer has a way of stripping down the dynamics of dysfunctional relationships with brilliant clarity. That’s really the gift I was looking for in reading this book-a little clarity about complex, confusing situations with people I love. I wanted to know if something admittedly wrong in my relationships was because there was something very wrong with me. I’ve always believed in the power of love and wondered that if I was giving every ounce of love I had to my relationships why they didn't seem able to work. Tom Fiffer breaks down the negative patterns for me in this book, and he does it with all the love in the world.
The man writes from the heart and from heartfelt experience. It takes an amazing person to own his relationship mistakes, learn from them, and then expose those mistakes for the benefit of others. Tom Fiffer writes as though each and every one of his readers was a dear friend needing the kind of advice that comes from honestly baring your soul to a friend and admitting 'Hey, I know what you’re going through. I’ve made my mistakes, and this is what I’ve learned.' Then he generously sets it all before us in stories and checklists infused with wisdom, inspiration, and wit. And, let's face it, sometimes you have to laugh so you don't cry. Buy the book. But be sure to give yourself enough time to read it, because the river here runs deep." — Marinia DeFrisco
“Thomas Fiffer is the discovery of the year. Deep and extraordinarily articulated, his writing is a joy to read. It’s deep, sincere, and completely emotional...very rare style for a male writer. I have both of his books on relationships and love to recommend them to my friends in need of some light in heart and love issues.”
Where the Light Is Brighter is the touching, bittersweet story of life in a long-term care facility, told mostly through the sharp eyes of 98-year-old Edith, who has an opinion on everything—and everyone—and a lifetime of memories that are slowly slipping away. She enters River’s Edge reluctantly, just before New Year’s, at the insistence of her son, William, but she plans to be back home in time to put chubby Cupid on her mantel, then swap him out in March for her madly grinning leprechaun. As we accompany Edith through her first year of living in this “never place,” the place on the hill where no one wants to be, we meet a cast of characters of advancing age. But despite her dread of the darkness within—a fear we all share about our elderly futures—brightness breaks through at every turn. The story is structured around holidays and the decorations with which the River’s Edge residents mark time, and as Edith settles in, surrenders to a self-appointed “welcoming committee,” and reluctantly makes friends, she begins to feel more and more at home. Written by a woman who works in the field, Where the Light Is Brighter shatters stereotypes and preconceived notions about the proverbial “old folks home” as we meet the forever young-at-heart folks who challenge our beliefs by greeting their final years with grace, enlarging our hearts as they enliven River’s Edge.